why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
