in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
