1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
