Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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