I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My first STD was from a foam party
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
