I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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