Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
