dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
