it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
