Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
