she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
