The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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