just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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