im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
