I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
