my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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