One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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