Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
love makes seman taste better
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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