glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
