Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
