No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
