$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
