I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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