my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
