In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
