Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
