I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize