dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
