So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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