When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
