i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize