I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
