I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
