I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
third nipple confirmed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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