You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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