Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
