Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
