They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
