mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
