i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its not stalking. its research.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
