Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
