Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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