So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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