Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
