Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
