She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
