i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
