If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
