You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Text me some of your sweat
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