I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
