Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
