Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I just sharted jello shots
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
