haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
