Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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