Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
