pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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