I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
