I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
