I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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