I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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