my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
