hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
