what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
