I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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