she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
