Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can't talk, ducks in the car
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
