I have demons in me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Rumble strips road head = magical
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
