If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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