4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
