i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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