I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
