What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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