If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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