Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
