i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
