Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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